Deeper Me ..

So this isn’t one of the usual posts but hey… ever have one of those days where you feel the need to question why everything plays out as it does? Why life would throw you so many lemons, and HONESTLY expect you to find the strength to make lemonade?? Yes – that is where I was recently. The strength and motivation to try put together a brilliant post for you. The perfect content… I then realised that this was my first mistake – content is everywhere, art is everywhere around us, wherever you go. It made me realise that this is actually the biggest mistake that many of us make in our everyday lives. We set an image of how everything is supposed be based on our age, situations and circumstances. Demotivation and manifestation of less positive energy begins at that moment.

I am on a journey, I am on a travel maybe even a trip to discover myself – possibly even rediscover but whatever it may be; I looked deep within myself. Pulled all my strengths, my weaknesses and my most importantly my fears. It felt as though I could escape from that moment whilst reading that little page with all my big monsters on. But at that moment I realised that I am bigger than the monsters. I am Lesego with a goal, with a vision, with ambitions out of this world and I refuse to let them define the outcome of my life and of my career. I chose to understand that all that matters is right here inside of me, not the opinion of the next person is.

I spent most of my after school life differently as opposed to the rest of my age group. I think I spent so much time looking for validation from others because I constantly was judged by people who couldn’t believe I had fallen pregnant straight out of matric. I remember that first year out of school so vividly as if it happened yesterday. Everybody didn’t want to associate with somebody who had ‘thrown her life away at such a young age… I mean what was she thinking?’ They were moving to varsities, hanging out and living their greatest lives. I was at home – alone. In my heart it truly felt as though I was alone. I realised now after all those years that I really wasn’t alone. I had family beside me and that’s all I needed. My son is 3 years old this year and I thank God every single day for the beautiful blessing he had granted me that year. God works on his own terms and plans – we never understand at that moment why he does things the way He does but in 2015 I was diagnosed with a respiratory problem which makes me even more thankful for my beautiful little boy. I would never trade him for anything in this entire world. There is nothing in this world I would never do for him, I would literally go to the ends for him. Yes, I am a single mommy at this moment but I am not rushing anything. Its just me and my little superman against the world. 

PS.Mommy loves you Mpilo

I still struggle to stay motivated and inspired especially when I am under pressure or when I get those hibernation days – in my case it can even be weeks, where I just fight a lot of negative energy in my space. But once I get out of that grey bubble, everything seems a lot brighter and colourful. I’d start to see my vision a lot clearer, and closer. What normally helps me get out of that zone is listening to my favourite artists – for example I listen to a lot of Jhene Aiko. She has helped me through quite a few of those dark spaces. Another example is Kehlani or H.E.R. I would also rearrange my work space at home to make it more motivating or inspiring. I try to watch a motivational video at least twice a week because that gets my mind-set back on track, once I start derailing because we are all human. We are bound to have derails at some point; it’s just up to us how we decide to handle that situation. Lastly I go out and engage with other people; meet new people or hang out with family and friends because that gets me over stimulated and that’s exactly where I need to be.

Once I feel like I am back on track, I continue with my positivity and I definitely see the light. Your past will never define where you are headed or the outcome of your future. Your true magic will begin once you start truly and honestly believing in yourself. Let me know how you deal and handle your demotivation moments, especially when you feel like you are crashing. If ever you find that you are currently in that situation – my heart goes out to you. But just keep reminding yourself that it’s only a bad day; not a bad life. Wake up and start again. We fall 7 times but definitely gotta stand up 8!

Till next time!

L x